Domestic Violence and Me
Love is supposed to be a wonderful thing, especially your first love. That first date, that first kiss, the first time, feeling like you are on top of the world and nothing will ever come between you. A beautiful girl on your arm, what could possibly go wrong? Well, lot’s as it happens!
At the ripe old age of seventeen my life was blown away by the blonde twenty-five-year-old with two kids, own home, car and everything I thought I wanted. At this particular time in my life I had suffered much trauma at home and I now had a life away from there, I life where I thought I’d be happy and loved forever. When I look back now, I was also suffering with quite severe mental illness but was not aware of such a thing at the time so just thought I was a bit ‘odd’ that’s what I’d been constantly told anyway.
‘Love is blind’ so the saying goes. That was certainly true for me the first time my beautiful, blonde, adorable girlfriend beat me up. ‘Nothing Major’ I thought ‘And I probably deserved it because she said I did’. Confused but unfazed I didn’t see the warning signs of what was to come over the next two and a half years.
There is something to be said about a young adult and what goes through his mind when the finger nails of the girl he loves are dug deep into his face until he can taste the blood in his mouth. What went through my mind as my loved one screamed in my face ‘Now nobody will ever look at you again’? Well, she told me it was my fault so it must have been. After all I should have known better than to talk to a girl I was in school with while we were in town. Yep, ok darling, my fault sorry it won’t happen again.
When the girl of your dreams lashes out at your finger with a kitchen knife causing a scar so deep my finger was nearly severed, what do you do? When the woman you love with all your heart stabs you with the piece of broken vase she has just smashed over your knee, what do you do? When the woman you still think loves you has stabbed you and refuses to get any help, what do you do? That’s right, you forgive her because you’d do anything to, just for one day, get some love in return.
But of course, that never happens.
What do you do when the girl you love admits to an affair? You leave!
All of the above happened to me nearly thirty years ago. I still have the physical scars to look at though they healed. The scars that never heal are the ones in my head. Back then there was no internet, no social media, no outlet for a guy to talk about what I went through. I was a man beaten constantly by a woman. I couldn’t admit to that, I would be laughed out of town and told to ‘man up’. So, I didn’t talk about it, not to anyone. I went back to the hell of my childhood home where I actually felt safer. Madness!
You will notice a theme in the events I have mentioned. Love. Throughout the entire relationship and the constant suffering, she caused me, I loved her. I loved her so much and still would have done anything for her. Maybe it was all my fault and I could have been a better boyfriend. Maybe if I’d just towed the line a bit more, she would have loved me back. Yeah, that’s it I was to blame. Long after the event I was still telling myself this.
Then one day I came a cross a word and it’s meaning that I’d never heard before. That word was ‘Narcissist’. That word changed everything for me.
In recent times we have been given the wonderful world of social media and all the good and bad that comes with it. What I found was a platform to stand proudly on and speak about what happened to me. Years of silence has been replaced with openness, honesty and awareness. I said earlier that I wasn’t aware of my own mental illness at such a young age. I am now open enough to say that I have depression, anxiety, adjustment disorder as well as being a double amputee. Depression is still seen as a dirty word and all you need is to ‘cheer up’. Well, when your depression is rooted deep into over forty years of darkness then ‘cheering up’ isn’t quite that simple.
For so long I kept quiet about what happened to me with her but now thanks to me maturing and speaking on social media I have found the truth. The truth is that I was a victim of domestic abuse that was verbal, mental and physical. Just because my abuser was a female does not make the slightest difference. I found the word narcissist and the definition may as well have been a picture of her.
Ladies and gentlemen, I urge you in the strongest possible terms not to suffer in silence. Reach out because the help is there. Gents don’t be ashamed to speak. Domestic violence does happen to men and narcs can be girls.
Copy Right (C) Survivor_John7 (Twitter)
Artwork by Copy Right (C) PinksterC_87 (Twitter)